exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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