guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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