I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
