Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
