That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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