I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
birth control should be required to get into college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
