Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
