he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
