i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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