don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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