i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
