Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
