my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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