This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
