she smelled like a LAN party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it glows. i had to have it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
