All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
