Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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