I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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