it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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