Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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