I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
