Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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