So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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