i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
