What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
