While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
