Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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