so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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