Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
