the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
