I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's blow job season.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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