She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
