Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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