I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
