At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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