dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
