why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
