I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
