i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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