Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
