Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
