I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
