Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
