Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
