I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
