Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
