so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
