the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
