I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
