Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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