My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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