i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
