My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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