My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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