dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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