Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
