I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
