your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
