The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
