WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
