That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
