That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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