dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
