every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
