i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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