Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my vagina is haunted
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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